Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Sparks

Fishy and Sluggie brought me a huge ant at the library the other day. They had seen someone intentionally step on it, but it had been left only horribly maimed and not dead. There was clearly no hope for it, even though they wanted to save it, and I regretfully told Sluggie to put it out of its misery. She couldn't do it, and asked me to do so instead. It will probably seem stupid to most people, but it was hard. Life is sacred and mysterious and miraculous to me. And knowing that by the simple pressure of my foot I would be removing an enitity from the universe, crushing out a spark of life so easily -- so suddenly -- was hard. It even bothers me to kill mosquitoes. Yes, I do it, but the act of killing anything is just so hard to wrap my brain around. One minute there is something alive and moving with a purpose and intention of its own, and the next there is only an empty shell, and the motivating force or spirit has vanished. Where does it go?

7 comments:

kitkat said...

You have a very kind heart, Candace. I sometimes think that way too, but it's a fleeting thought if the offender is indoors (outside is their home, so I leave them alone). But, isn't this the way of things? I mean, what's the difference between an ant and a zucchini? Something has to die for something else to live...you just didn't eat the ant this time.

Claire said...

Um, I'm the person who picks worms off the concrete and throws them back in the grass, so I understand.

Candace said...

Kitkat - I'm not so much sure it's kindness as a sense of awe. It seems like a big responsibility to choose whether or not to remove one more living thing from the cosmos. Or at least that it should be. But you're right. We must consume DNA to live.

Claire - So I'm not the only nutjob out here? :-)

Sicilian Mama said...

I relate to this on some levels. Like Claire, I save worms and toads and even snakes I don't like people just killing to kill. But mosquitos, flies, spiders and creepy crawly things (like shiny black bugs...ugh...just thinking about them makes me shiver...yuck)...it's kind of like an automatic reaction of mine to swat or stomp. Especially if they are in my house.

But I get where you're going with this post...and it's hard to wrap my brain around.

Sicilian Mama said...
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radioactive girl said...

We are so exactly the same person in so many ways! People laugh at me all the time for carrying bugs outside instead of just stepping on them. I agree, why should I get to choose if they live or die.

Candace said...

Armie - I totally understand not wanting an invasion. ^_^ And skeeters can carry bad stuff, too. :-P

Tori - We are twins from different uteruses. ^_^ (uterii??)