Friday, January 25, 2008

Simple Cushions, Martha-Style

I'm sure that just like me, you've been cleaning the house while the freshly-made foie gras is chilling when you've been suddenly seized by the urge to have more pillows. Well, my friend, you are in luck, because that's what today's post is all about; foie gras pillows.

First, you need just a few basic materials - the kinds of things that I'm sure you all have lying around in your crafting vaults:

whale bone - a nice 6-8" piece (We will only be using a small portion of this, so don't fret if yours is a little on the scant side.)

eggs, freshly laid Auricana (look for these in your fridge if they aren't in your vault)

a basic assortment of clays and powdered gemstones

a goat

bamboo, freshly harvested, preferably Phyllostachys aurea

fine muslin (hand loomed of course!)

Panda fur (shed from a 3 month-old panda for greatest softness)

Using basic techniques, craft a brush from bamboo and goat hair and mix up a nice array of paints from the eggs, clays and crushed gems. Now, simply paint a picture on your muslin and wait for it to dry! Spray the dried fabric with industrial fixative and bake it in a slow oven for 2 days to set. Hand wash on cold in goat's milk (you can use the same goat!) and dry with a hair dryer set to "primp." This should only take about 12 hours. Wash again in a vinegar bath to "double-set" and air dry in your walk-in humidor.

Woo hoo! You're almost ready to sew!

For the back, round up a bunch of scrap fibers such as sisal from the mat we made in last month's craft, raffia from your gift-wrapping stash, and hemp from the neighbour's garden. The more varied your collection, the better; we're going for a very "primitive" look with this. Dental floss is discouraged because it will make your pillows smell like old people.

Weave a nice, tight mat of fibers, cut to size and bind the edges.

From your whale bone, craft a sharp, slender needle and get stitching!

Fill with baby panda fur and slipstitch the opening closed. Voila!

Wasn't that easy? Be sure to check back next month to learn how to craft a recliner from your stash of toothpaste caps!


Michael C said...

Wow! Most impressive. Now how the heck can a make a ligthsaber using an emtpy paper towel tube, a lightbulb and floss?

Seriously, cool pillows!!

Claire said...

Actually, it looks like you found an old project in the back of your crafts closet, sewed 4 seams, stuffed, stitched the little stuffing hole shut and presented the kids with brand 'new' tv pillows.
Anyhow, that's how I would have done it!

Candace said...

Michael - Ooh, I wish I knew. I bet MacGyver could do it. ^_^

Claire - Yep, that's basically it. I didn't even sew the stuffing hole shut. I just made envelope-style covers. :-) But then I got to thinking of how Martha would do it. . . ^_^

Trundling Grunt said...

oooh, when are you going to cover "how to give yourself a tracheotomy" with some aluminium foil, a plastic coat hanger, and some sticky backed plastic?

tshsmom said...

I can loan you some dog hair if you run out of panda fur. ;)
You would make Martha proud!

egan said...

"cleaning house" eh? Did you do this before or after watching Merlin?

Candace said...

TG - Ha! I could do the "home stoach pump" using simply a television and old reruns of JOanie loves Chachi! ^_^

Tshsmom - Oh PERFECT! ^_^ I hear that some people knit with dog hair. I think it would have to smell bad when it got wet. :-P

Egan - Well, I wasn't all in a tizzy about meeting anyone, so, yeah, I cleaned before watching Merlin. Grow, stick, GROW!!!! ^_^

Actually, I slept through most of it this time. How sad. The kids said we "needed an Egan" to keep us awake." I think they're right.