Sunday, October 22, 2006

For Your Eyes Only

Sometimes I forget that this is the (greater) Motor City (area.) And then something happens to remind me.

I was involved in intrigue and subterfuge this weekend driving chase for a secret new convertible. Neat-o. GuTTer MuNKi had to pick up a certain new car, by a certain car company and bring it home for transfer to another state. As required by the rules, there had to be a chase vehicle, and, as fate would have it, that chase vehicle was piloted by yours truly.

The new car designs are always heavily camoed while they are being driven around for teasing testing and data collection purposes. They have canvas tarp stuff strapped all over them, (I haven't actually seen any camo jobs that ugly IRL) with strategic mesh windows for things like brake lights, headlights and the license plate. (Here in MI you only have a rear plate.) In addition, this one had been painted matte black - at least in the few exposed areas.

My only instructions: stay behind the vehicle, and ram anyone off the road who appeared to be taking pics.

I did notice one guy doing a serious double take and nearly wrecking his SUV as he passed by, but since he didn't appear to have a camera, I was not forced to annihilate him. Which is just as well, since I don't have double-0 clearance (not to be confused for even a millisecond with multiple-O clearance) and I'm not really sure how hard to ram someone just in order to maim.

The beast was parked in our (newly cleaned out) garage overnight. Don't imagine for a second that I didn't think about undressing it and snapping some nude photos to sell to Road and Track or Car and Driver. What a bidding war that could have been. But then I would have had to annihilate the contact to protect my identity, and since I don't have that double-0 clearance. . .

14 comments:

Jay said...

I always suspected there was a little ninja in you.

tshsmom said...

Land Rover actually pulled their testing operations out of here when a spy took a picture of the vehicle. :( Land Rover uses cardboard fenders, in addition to all the canvas.

Trundling Grunt said...

No wonder you're not blogging as you work on Gutter Munki's martinis....

Are you the new Pussy Galore?

Egan said...

...only for you...

~d said...

You look really good in hot pants!
I think you should consider them as a staple to all your outfits! Do TKD in them!!!

kitkat said...

Multiple O clearance! I love it. That's really why you haven't been blogging :/

Toby said...

I love intrigue. Did you make it without being drowned out by Madonna's kidnapping of a child from Africa?

Haha. Great post, Candace!

Egan said...

Want to go to the Auto Show with me this week?

Candace said...

Jay, there have been 4 little ninjas in me, but they're all out now, thank God! :)

Tshsmom - that's pretty sucky. One person causing all that job loss. Ouch. I swear it wasn't me.

TG - ooooh! Yes. Oh, wait. According to the pic I must be Alotta Fagina. Or was that the other girl?

Egan - meOWWWWW! :D

~d - why thank you! I think that they should be added as our summer uniforms. I'm sure the guys wou;dn't mind. ;)

Kitkat - it might have somthing to do with it. :) The gift that keeps on giving, as it were.

Toby, even I in my media void know of this Madonna thing. That's how big that it. There's no escaping it. I'm not really sure hoe to feel about that. On the one hand, I'm (pretty) sure the kiddo will be better off being out of the orphanage, but the catty bitch in me says Madonna can do no right. ;)

Egan. I would love to. What auto show? Will I get to meet James Bond?

I could stand by a car in a red ho-ey dress and say "the new Elantra" and flourish my arms around.

Egan said...

Sure, the Seattle Auto Show is this weekend. You may get to meet me, but there are no promises of James Bond.

Candace said...

What about his car? Do I get to meet Aston Martin?

Egan said...

No, but you can meet Manny Kooper and Sue Buhroo.

Candace said...

ah hahahahaha! How about T. Oyota and H. Onda?

I dare you to test drive the coolest car inside the building and then blog about your jailtime.

Logophile said...

I have absolutely nothing interesting to say, I think it is because I am tired.
Possibly it is because I need to eat,
could be because my children are sucking the life force out of me like little leaches today.
I hate it when they are cooped up inside all day.
Was I saying something?