Saturday, August 26, 2006

You Know You're F----d When. . .

I have a bad feeling about this.

Today is the impending return of the ILs. It could happen at any moment. They get up really early to drive, you see. I should be looking for things to clean even now. Although the last time they returned to a sparkling clean kitchen, MIL honestly seemed pissed that there was nothing to complain about. I kid you not.

This morning I showered as soon as I woke up, in order to get the hell out of the upstairs bathroom (FIL's) before they returned. A couple of the little girls had showered in there yesterday, and there were some splats of pink conditioner on the wall. I had noticed a device on the shower wall earlier that looked like a miniature water cooler. Peering 'round the back had revealed part of a label depicting those little scrubbing bubble guys, so I determined that this was some sort of cleanser. (Have I mentioned that MIL is a sucker for any sort of gadget ever invented?) Perfect. I could use this stuff to tidy up the shower a bit. I couldn't really tell where it came out, but there was a nozzle-looking protuberance at the bottom around the back. Strange placement, but OK. Pressing the blue button, I studied the contrivance for signs of emerging cleanser to no avail. Hmmm. I pushed the button a couple of more times. And then it hit me. Right in the eyes that is. A fine stream of those little scrubbing bastards shot right into my eyes. Both eyes, as it happens, because it turns out that the damn thing rotates back and forth as it shoots out its vile stream of caustic poison. I scrabbled to reach the shower nozzle (which I had turned on for cleaning purposes) so I could turn it off and get the hell out of Dodge, and - you guessed it - got it again. Shit. I uttered a mild expletive, ran to the sink and washed my eyes over and over again. The left one's still a bit pink.

GuTTer MuNKi asks how absurd is it that though most (innocuous) products are plastered with dire warnings, this one has nothing?

I have a bad feeling about what this day holds in store for me.

18 comments:

Logophile said...

Fear not lil soldier,
you can DO it!

Jaichan said...

I think your MIL is my mom. She's a 'neat freak', but neat to her is things just hidden. The closets are a sight. I clean like my dad, I get it spotless, even behind the scenes. But Mom either complains or is miffed because she can't complain. I love my mom, so I've just given up.
Ah, selective hearing is a good thing.
I agree with GuTTeR MuNKi about the dire warnings thing. Some of the ones in the kitchen are a scream. And the ones that really, really need it are lacking. Go figure.
I know it's going to be the cutting edge of the plastic wrap that does me in.

Candace said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Logo. *grin*

Jai - the weird thing is that with MIL sheets and jeans must be ironed, countertops and floors must be wiped (what one can find of them), but there are teetering towers of shite everywhere. Clutter galore! FLYlady would have a heyday here. Or a heart-attack. I'm wondering about the need for 5 splatter screens when the stove has only 4 burners. Things like that. . .

kitkat said...

Clearly, what this shower cleaner device (just saw a commercial this morning for that product btw) calls for is a label with the famous black warning dude who lets you know if you're about to be electrocuted or whatever.

Candace said...

Oh! Flat accident guy!! :-) You're right, LOL! There's not a lot you can do with a sillhouette, but I'm thinking stream of caustic poison in the eye region and his mouth open in horror.

Jay said...

Yup, for sure the universe has told you to go back to bed and wait for tomorrow, and all you did was rinse (only to repeat?). You didn't heed the warning. I'd be worried too.

winters said...

Vile, noxious stuff. You were lucky to emerge relatively unscathed, Candace. You could have ended up like Columbo.

This is a sign, which says "tell someone else to clean the shower." Heed it C. Heed it, I implore you...

Forgive me, I hope I'm not being overfamiliar in addressing you as C. I am a abbreviator.

Candace said...

Jay, I do fear for what may be in store for me. Especially as the petting farm experiece from which we have just returned went very smoothly. This evening is "being an extra in the indie film" time, so maybe I'll get electrocuted by a light or something.

Winters, you may address me as anything you like (well, within reason I guess.) Especially if you are in a pantsless state. C is handy because it works equally well for either Candace OR Columbo.

Toby said...

"Little scrubbing bastards" Haha.

I used to work for Scwinn building bike frames back in the day and one day I had a bucket full of caustic acid spill all down the front of me. Luckily it was such a weak acid (it was used to degrease the steel tubing) it didn't harm my skin. I did have to go home however because within an hour or so my jeans began to fall apart.

Candace said...

Holy crap!! You're lucky it didn't get in your eyes!! I had chemical burns in my eyes once and that sucked the big wazoo. I was at Guard and it was a chem gear day. My contacts had been irritating my eyes since I'd put them in, but I toughed it out, donned my gear, did my job, etc. They started burning more and more. I didn't want to puss out and take off my mask, cuz I was always trying to work hard to prove that girls belonged there (on teh flightline), too. Dumb move. MuNKi ended up driving me to the ER around lunchtime, where they flushed my eyes with 2 IV bags' worth of saline. Eck. I felt like I could neither open or close my eyes. I never want to experience anything like that again. Never did figure out what happened. Best guess is that my contact reactor disk thing didn't do its job or something like that.

ldbug said...

Wow, I didn't know that scrubbing thing was dangerous, thanks for the warning;-)

I wear contacts too, ouch to sand, cat hair, soap, the random chemical (when I worked in the lab) and pretty much anything!!!

tshsmom said...

AHA, we KNEW it!! Z and I have been ridiculing that product since the commercials started. We KNEW that it was a malfunction waiting to happen.

Trundling Grunt said...

Them's little scrubbing buggers to be sure. Did the rest of the day play out as you feared or was there relief for you?

Candace said...

Ldbug, that's one reason I finally quit wearing them, LOL. One hair in the eye would feel like a railroad spike. :-P

Tsmom - it is definitely ridicule worthy. And I don't think it did a thing for the shower. Blah.

TG, you know, I'm almost afraid to say it, but the rest of the day went surprisingly well, and the next day, too. My life as an extra/movie star has been busy ;-) but perhaps I'll find a chance to blog about that soon. This is our last night here in WI and then it's home again, home again, lickety split.


Wanna know how geeky I am folks? I'm so geeky, it bothers me that I typed "or" instead of "nor" in my last reply. :-P

winters said...

Candace, I too have an anally retentive hatred of my (frequent) typos.

And you can't be both a geek and a deadly martial artist.

Slade said...

oh you poor thing! I know that must have stung!

I want you to know that I just finished putting all of your flower pics on my screensaver! so now when the pics flash, they are of your flowers! Thanks

Egan said...

So Candace, do tell... how did things turn out? In-laws can be fun, if you tease them.

Candace said...

Winters, I must not be that deadly, then. ;-)

OOh, thanks, Slade. I so honoured! :-)

Well, Egan, I'd generally agree with you, but not if FIL is a depressed grump who refuses to medicate or do anything. At. All.