In Which I am Interviewed by a Journalist

So yeah, this is it. My first interview in -- ever. Pretty cool huh? The atmosphere is very not tense. Niel (the journalist) is still smoking his pipe and looking a bit green 'round the edges, so I feel compelled to bring out my pink bubble pipe to lighten the mood. The one with Hello Kitty on it. And the edible bubble juice. (sticky stuff, that!) And the questions begin.

1. Tell us what you would have said/purred to Douglas Adams if you had to have that awesome moment again.

Wow, that's a really hard question, because if I knew that, maybe I'd have been able to say it back then. I mean, what do you say to The Master? If I'd had my wits about me, I suppose I would've fallen at his feet (no doubt bonking my head on the table in the process) and licked his shoes. At the very least, this time around I would have the presence of mind to thank him for all the laughs. And then I would say something utterly charming (in exactly the way that a Dalek doesn't) and hang there for just a moment (in exactly the way that bricks don't) and then glide gracefully away. (cuz if you know me, you know I'm all about charm and grace *snort* ) Or I might ask what his favourite Wodehouse book is, and then we'd get to talking about that, and get on famously and become great friends and I'd have him 'round to tea all the time (after learning how to make proper English tea) and we'd surf the Profanisuarus together on the net.

What would YOU say?

(Niel is looking rather more green than before and defers his answer to the comments section)

2. Your Tae Kwon Do battlecry, if you please.

“AI!!!!!!!!!” which, with my specific intonation, is Korean for “You lily livered son of a pig-intestine, you will pay for that insouciance with the skin of your nether regions!!!” (It's a very efficient language.) Once, I accidentally used “Ai!!!, which is “here is being your friendly tea service, will you having some milk with it please?”

3. Why, oh why, do you not like poor Mr. Holden Caulfield?

(Niel sits back and blows a few smoke rings and I attempt to send bubbles through the middles. Gandalf fails to join us. Niel spies the bubble juice bottle with the somewhat garish “EDIBLE!!” claim on the label and suddenly lunges forward, snapping at one and startling me violently enough that I fall off of my chair. I climb back on - a bit shaken. Niel attempts to say something, but his teeth are stuck together.)

Well, really, what's there to like? It may not even be so much a question of disliking him as of not caring enough about him to have an opinion. The book has eaten a few hours of my life that I'll never get back. And for what? I got nothing out of this book. There's no character development, no obstacle to overcome, no growth. It's all just so bloody pointless. I find that irksome. And then I made the mistake of re-reading it years after high school, thinking I must have missed something the first time around. But no, I had been spot on, so that was another bunch of wasted hours. Sigh.

(Niel's teeth have come unstuck and he proceeds with great dignity.)
4. Your blog is pretty funny. I'm wondering, where do your humorist roots lie? And please pick between Woody Allen and Jerry Seinfeld!

Why thank you! That's very kind. :-) Hmmm. Choosing between those two, I'd say Adams and Wodehouse. Though Woody Allen is definitely not my type. Seinfeld cracks me up. His show was actually rather Wodehouse-y in the way that everything always came back around and knitted together at the end. Pretty much the opposite of Catcher in the Rye, in which that could never happen, because nothing was going anywhere in that story, so how could it come back around?

5. Do you party up?

I tend to party down, but I think that's primarily a latitudinal thing. If I were in Australia, I believe that I might well party up. Although I suspect that I would still end up on the floor either way. (Click on "Another Irish Drinking Song.")

Thanks for the Qs, Niel! You can take the bubble juice home with you. :-)

The first 5 who ask for them will get their own set of shiny new Qs to answer.

Tonight I watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman and enjoyed it very much. My "to see" list now includes a bunch of Tyler Perry films.

Nightfall brought the smallest raccoon babies yet to our deck. Twins. I think Egan is a mommy. :-) (Egaine?)

Has this been eclectic enough? Sometimes I think my posts could be ADHD poster fodder. Goodnight! :-)