Friday, June 09, 2006

In Which I am Interviewed by a Journalist

So yeah, this is it. My first interview in -- ever. Pretty cool huh? The atmosphere is very not tense. Niel (the journalist) is still smoking his pipe and looking a bit green 'round the edges, so I feel compelled to bring out my pink bubble pipe to lighten the mood. The one with Hello Kitty on it. And the edible bubble juice. (sticky stuff, that!) And the questions begin.

1. Tell us what you would have said/purred to Douglas Adams if you had to have that awesome moment again.

Wow, that's a really hard question, because if I knew that, maybe I'd have been able to say it back then. I mean, what do you say to The Master? If I'd had my wits about me, I suppose I would've fallen at his feet (no doubt bonking my head on the table in the process) and licked his shoes. At the very least, this time around I would have the presence of mind to thank him for all the laughs. And then I would say something utterly charming (in exactly the way that a Dalek doesn't) and hang there for just a moment (in exactly the way that bricks don't) and then glide gracefully away. (cuz if you know me, you know I'm all about charm and grace *snort* ) Or I might ask what his favourite Wodehouse book is, and then we'd get to talking about that, and get on famously and become great friends and I'd have him 'round to tea all the time (after learning how to make proper English tea) and we'd surf the
Profanisuarus together on the net.

What would YOU say?

(Niel is looking rather more green than before and defers his answer to the comments section)

2. Your Tae Kwon Do battlecry, if you please.

“AI!!!!!!!!!” which, with my specific intonation, is Korean for “You lily livered son of a pig-intestine, you will pay for that insouciance with the skin of your nether regions!!!” (It's a very efficient language.) Once, I accidentally used “Ai!!!, which is “here is being your friendly tea service, will you having some milk with it please?”

3. Why, oh why, do you not like poor Mr. Holden Caulfield?

(Niel sits back and blows a few smoke rings and I attempt to send bubbles through the middles. Gandalf fails to join us. Niel spies the bubble juice bottle with the somewhat garish “EDIBLE!!” claim on the label and suddenly lunges forward, snapping at one and startling me violently enough that I fall off of my chair. I climb back on - a bit shaken. Niel attempts to say something, but his teeth are stuck together.)

Well, really, what's there to like? It may not even be so much a question of disliking him as of not caring enough about him to have an opinion. The book has eaten a few hours of my life that I'll never get back. And for what? I got nothing out of this book. There's no character development, no obstacle to overcome, no growth. It's all just so bloody pointless. I find that irksome. And then I made the mistake of re-reading it years after high school, thinking I must have missed something the first time around. But no, I had been spot on, so that was another bunch of wasted hours. Sigh.

(Niel's teeth have come unstuck and he proceeds with great dignity.)
4. Your blog is pretty funny. I'm wondering, where do your humorist roots lie? And please pick between Woody Allen and Jerry Seinfeld!

Why thank you! That's very kind. :-) Hmmm. Choosing between those two, I'd say Adams and Wodehouse. Though Woody Allen is definitely not my type. Seinfeld cracks me up. His show was actually rather Wodehouse-y in the way that everything always came back around and knitted together at the end. Pretty much the opposite of Catcher in the Rye, in which that could never happen, because nothing was going anywhere in that story, so how could it come back around?

5. Do you party up?

I tend to party down, but I think that's primarily a latitudinal thing. If I were in Australia, I believe that I might well party up. Although I suspect that I would still end up on the floor either way. (Click on "Another Irish Drinking Song.")

Thanks for the Qs, Niel! You can take the bubble juice home with you. :-)

The first 5 who ask for them will get their own set of shiny new Qs to answer.

Tonight I watched Diary of a Mad Black Woman and enjoyed it very much. My "to see" list now includes a bunch of Tyler Perry films.

Nightfall brought the smallest raccoon babies yet to our deck. Twins. I think Egan is a mommy. :-) (Egaine?)

Has this been eclectic enough? Sometimes I think my posts could be ADHD poster fodder. Goodnight! :-)


Logophile said...

What? ADD fodder?
What are you talking bout?
Oh look, a chicken!
I too like Seinfeld and find CITR to be a waste of time.
We don't get racoons in our yard though I've seen them down the street a way. I don't mind too much though, the birds and bunnies keep me happy. I do wish the deer would come back.
Douglas Adams would probably not have at all appreciate the shoe licking, you might want to reconsider that approach. The English can rarely determine the correct response to those sorts of outbursts. It tends to make them uncomfortable.

jackt said...

My TKD cry is "Ai!", which is translated on my red t-shirt with green stripes. You know, the one with the cartoon penguin and robot dog on it. It means "Buttercup fun flower sweet."

[Please don't interview me. I don't like being interviewed.]

Candace said...

ROTFLOL Logo! :) Do want a set of shiny new ADHD Qs? I'm sure you're right about the shoe-licking thing. Though he was quick enough on the draw that I'm sure he'd have come up with a brilliant response. Although that side of him would likely have warred with his polite Englishness and there may have been a spectacular explosion.

Jack - LOL Jack!! Great shirt! :-) Ooooh - I have a link for you.

What?? I can't ask you 5 little Qs?? What if it's not an interview? What if it's just a Q& A session?? That would be OK, wouldn't it? If you like, you can answer "PORK!" to them all. (#15, "Top of the Form.")

tshsmom said...

"It's all just so bloody pointless."
My point EXACTLY!!
Thanks for the Korean lesson. What a succinct language! ;)

Logophile said...

Ah, what the heck, fire me up some questions, if nothing else it will give me a nice meme to annoy Egan with (snicker snicker)

Trundling Grunt said...

Scary thought, but ok....

Candace said...

All right! Anyone else want Qs? Step on up! Don't be shy. :-)

polyergos said...

Here are my questions:

If you could be any character, in the history of comics, which character would you be?

What is your favorite sci-fi movie?

Who invented the internet? And why did they leave it on all the time?

What cartoon characters do your kids best represent? And I mean in the sense of super-power ability.

Is your sister still single?

Ashira said...


I'll take some ^-^

Noffz, it says. Noffz...