Friday, April 21, 2006

Best. Toy. Ever.

Today I saw what has to be, hands down, the best toy ever made. OK, well, some of you who know me realise that there are some obvious exceptions, but as John so eloquently put it, "I'm just shocked that it actually made it into the production phase." He's right. It's so bloody funny, but I still find it hard to believe that it did make it onto the shelves. Without any further ado, I give you:


THE AVENGING UNICORN!!



For a photo that's MUCH better than the company's above product photo, check out this Flickr pic.

Here's the text from the company:
Avenging Unicorn Play Set Everyone wants an imaginary unicorn friend that they can call forth to smite their enemies. [SIL adds 'especially mimes' and I concur wholeheartedly!!] The Avenging Unicorn Play Set has everything you need to use the power of the unicorn to rid your life of irritations. Put the posable, 3-3/4" (9.5 cm) tall, hard vinyl unicorn on a flat surface and then impale one of three 3-1/8" (8 cm) tall, soft vinyl figures included (businessman/boss, new age lady and mime). Also includes four interchangeable horns (classic spiral, chrome, glow and pearlescent.)

The rest of the copy on the box reads:
Unicorns are magical creatures that exist only for those who believe. When they are not frolicking in dewy meadows or posing on windy cliffs they are helping believers do away with daily annoyances. Are you tired of being accosted by creepy mimes? Does the new age lady at the bookstore get on your nerves? Does the arragont businessman talking on his cell phone in a crowded elevator drive you crazy? Close your eyes, take a deep breath and summon a unicorn. If you believe in the magic of unicorns with all your heart and soul they will answer your call.

The Unicorn Code
1. Unicorns never lie.
2. Unicorns always lend a helping hand.
3. Unicorns are loyal.
4. Unicorns can keep a secret.
5. Unicorns don't use drugs.

I cannot tell you how much this cracked me up. I LOVE that you can push the unicorn's horn right through that guy's mimey little chest, LOL! At $12 I'm not sure what was wrong with me for not buying one. Oh to turn back the hands of time. He would fit into the kids' Playmobil™ scenes just perfectly. Darn! Maybe dh will get me one for my birthday.

I did, indeed, get to talk to Frank about musicals (thank you for the plethora of awesome CDs Frank!!!) and I'm so inspired to try my hand at this. I have a lot of homework to do. Fun homework - the best kind!!

Since we're in the land of The Onion and TG was talking star signs, I felt it was only appropriate to link to Onion Horoscopes for everyone! I was going to C&P for those too addicted to leave my blog, but those crafty bastards at The Onion made it so you can't highlight just the text. Humph! I'm a Gemini, as evidenced by my 2 complete bodies and split personality.

I think we're watching Boondock Saints again tonight since my sis missed it last night. Hahahahahahahaha!!! I HEART that movie! (really? ya think??)

13 comments:

Jaichan said...

Nothing says love like evisceration.
As for German, Caleb's signature line is 'Das letzte Einhorn'
Bettie's is 'Ich liebe dich'
Mine is 'Fotze' which I learned accidentally from Chef Joerg (Chef Yan).
I'm hammmmmmmmmmmmmered right now.

Jaichan said...

Oh, and what I meant to say in the preceding comment was 'Those unicorn attatchments look like wood files'.
I can't separate the 'mystique' of unicorns from the horrible velvet paintings I've seen.

GuTTer MuNKi said...

Actually, in keeping with the 'truth in advertising' spirit, I feel it necessary to point out that I happen to know that this isn't your favorite. Toy. Ever.
Best kid's toy, maybe.

Oooooh, I touch your Tralala.

Am I a Lucky Dog or what?

Candace said...

LOL Jaichan! I've had some wine tonight, but the buzz is wearing off. SIL had a hot date and left or I'd likely be smashed, too. Hehe! I learned Fotze from you. :-) Handy! Velvet - snort!

LD - Oooooh! My ding ding dong! I think you should remind me which one is my favourite. }:->

Toby said...

Yeah, worst. especialy with a come down wine. I'm thinking best friend if I were a woman who doesen't know... I'm mispleeling ths stuf.

Faltenin said...

Hur hur hur.

Can you get the mime to play leapfrog with the unicorn, too?

Trundling Grunt said...

That is just so wonderful. I hate mimes (learn the fecking words damn you!!) and to see them end up that was brings joy to my life. I also have a daughter's birthday coming up and that will suit her down to the ground. Thank you!

Candace said...

Toby, one of us must be drunk and I don't think it's me. ;-)

Fal - *giggle* Now that is a very pleasing image. And ensures that the mime cannot spawn, which is even better!

TG - Hee hee! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :-) Now if they would make an add-on clown, my rapture would be complete.

Logophile said...

They sell these in Seattle at Archie McPhee's along with tons of other fabulous and irreverent things. Including spinners
What Would a Unicorn Do,
What Would a Ninja Do, etc.
Check it out!
www.mcphee.com
They have tons of great stuff.
I love that store.

Candace said...

Wow!! That is QUITE a store, LOL! Gotta bookmark that one!

tshsmom said...

I MUST find that set for dh! He hates mimes. ;)

Tracy said...

Oh wowsers! I lurve it! Must must must find one.

Anonymous said...

Unicorns definitely use drugs.