Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Putting the BI in Biathlon, Baby!




Some of you know my blogpal, Egan, but what you may NOT know is that he recently participated in his first Biathlon. Egan never fails to impress me with his dedication to training and to keeping his bod healthy. (And it sure shows, doesn't it?) For this gruelling, three-day event, Egan had not only to run in the 114 degree (F) heat across the blistering sands of Morocco, in thigh-high, chafing boots, but to then lie on said blistering sands on his naked belly, with only a thin layer of cloth between his package and the searing heat, while firing his vintage 1879 revolver at a target that was being dragged by a she-camel in full heat evading pursuit by 3 randy males.

Though training in Seattle's sweltering July temperatures did help our BI-Boy, he says "I should have followed Logo's advice and turned the heat up full blast, cranked the oven, and trained indoors."

When queried about the hardest stage of the event, Egan stated, "Hee hee! you said 'hardest!'" and glanced meaningfully at training buddy Toddster's package.

Though faced with 111 competitors from 56.5 countries (the borders of Mohambugaria/Luisitanskia are currently in flux) Egan made a terrific showing, coming in top of the bottom 69. His strong point was definitely the sashaying (third leg, 12.4 miles) and though he suffered minor chafing, he was clearly the strongest sashayer on the field.

After a shocking announcement by the top 42 competitors that they are all retiring at the end of the season, Egan becomes next year's clear favourite. Go Egan! We're all pulling for you!

35 comments:

Logophile said...

LMAO
EEEEVIL
you are eee-vil I say,
and I like it!

Trundling Grunt said...

That's one very bad dude.

Candace said...

MUA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

EEEEeeeeeevil!!!

Candace said...

Isn't he, TG? Very, very bad!

Egan said...

Holy shit, that's one gorgeous bitch.

Egan said...

I'm not sure about the story. It seems like a bit of a stretch. Do you have a fact checker working for you?

Candace said...

I hear he's a party animal, too.

I employ GuTTer MuNKi as my fact checker. He proudly attributes his formal education to the esteemed Jayson Blair.

Egan said...

Well at least you spelled Jayson right. We might need to work on the outfit and damnit, now I have to look at this picture all the time. Now it's better because it has my head superimposed. Yeah for Candace and her mad Photoshop skills.

Candace said...

Well, I will admit to photoshopping the pic. In the original, the gun was in the wrong hand. But you knew that.

Faltenin said...

I'm pretty sure that a Biathlon has something to do with being in bed for a long time with both a boy & a girl...

(or at least last time I got suckered into one)

Candace said...

LOL! I think that was the fourth leg. Luckily for Egan, I'm too discreet to mention such things.

GuTTer MuNKi said...

For the record, I did do extensive "fact checking" for this post. I'm even well prepared to support follow-on posts about Egan's exploits in other events. He has quite an -athlon track record. Seems that, in addition to his stunning Biathlon success, he has also performed admirably in the Solo-athlon, the Try-athlon, and the Fore-athlon. I'm currently researching his participation in a true spectacle of debauchery, the 2003 Pentup-athlon, held in Bangkok, Thailand.

Egan said...

Awesome, I look forward to follow-up posts. I see why some people never put their face out there on the information super highway.

God said...

I don't approve of this post. I didn't intend for the head of a cool blogger to wind up on the body of a 78 year-old man. This is wrong and you will be punished for this behavior. Watch your back today Candace and God bless.

Candace said...

Egan - Well, if you weren't a famous biathlete, there would have been no picture for me to upload. But this is the price of stardom, young Egan. Nothing is free.

Also Egan - I think you should approve of this post, as it shows off the beauty of the human form in much the same way that the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel does - only with bandoliers. Just the same, I will keep my back pressed firmly against the couch as I watch my pirated footage from your biathlon training sessions.

And shouldn't that have been "Me bless?"

And you really should have done something about my sitemeter.

Egan said...

Huh?

Candace said...

I'm such a dork. I forgot that The Almighty dwells in Seattle and shares your IP addy.

Say, "Hi" for me, will ya?

Jenna Howard said...

You are an evil, evil woman. I looove it!

Egan said...

I think it's more evil what you just posted. You're no fun.

Candace said...

Heh heh, Jenna!

Egan, maybe God was just trying to frame you.

Egan said...

Live a little and don't mess with God. He likes to blog too. Now you know and now you can forget about the whole IP thing. Thanks.

Candace said...

Maybe he can help me out with a good word to the BUST editor.

Egan said...

Maybe, but don't piss him off.

Candace said...

I always never do my best not to not do that!!!

Egan said...

It seems like you're conflicted. You may need some confessional time.

Candace said...

Oh reeeeeeally? *ears (or something)perk*

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was. . . on Jenna's blog.

Jaichan said...

Hahahah! My Irish uncle, Alan, ran the Marathon de Sables! He was very proud not to have been over taken by the camel.
He was a bit more clothed than Egan, I believe.

Candace said...

Jai, you have The. Coolest. Uncle. I want to know more about him!

Actually, come to think of it, I have a very cool uncle, too. He's done some amazing things and been to some amazing places.

I'm glad your uncle had the good taste to avoid dressing like Egan.

Egan said...

Jaichan, that's not a real picture of me.

Candace said...

Don't believe him, Jai. He's being very silly today. Did you see him pretending to be God? You can't believe a thing he says.

Everything he says isn't true. (correct)

Egan said...

You think I have a God-complex?

Candace said...

Is that like a Martin house for deities?

Jaichan said...

oh, Alan's not my real uncle. He's the Irish uncle I never knew I needed. He's my former boss and about 4 years older than I am. He's a great guy... very intense.
Oh, Egan. You would've looked smashing in that outfit.

Jaichan said...

Here's a link to his site
http://www.craicpot.com/

Candace said...

That guy's amazing! Wow!