Sunday, September 24, 2006

Dear Narcissus Boy

Dear 13-year old boy,
What were you thinking when you asked my second daughter out?
And do you understand that she's not interested?
Dear Narcissus Boy I want to ask just where you saw this going
And did you forget how you singled her out as the youngest kid in class
And punched her in the stomach when everybody laughed at you?

Dear me-show boy is this your lame idea of apology?
Or do you seriously have a crush now on my 9-year-old?
I can't believe you're really crushing on my 9-year-old.

And any talk of dating
Or any talk of relationship
Or any talk of working at this
You'd best be running for the door


(Why why, do you try to love her
Try to love her when she really doesn't want you to?)

Dear hopeless boy you've never really had to suffer any consequence
Did you forget that in another year or two
Your lily ass is gonna be in my own sparring class

Dear insane boy you're used to things coming so easily
You'd best get used to taking "no way" for an answer now
You'd best be thinking how to change yourself

Cuz any talk of dating
Or any talk of possession
Or any talk of working this out
And I will kick you through the door.

With apologies and gratitude to Alanis Morissette

22 comments:

Egan said...

I see my hired help isn't impressing you. I'll have a chat wiht him and work on his etiquette.

Candace said...

Thank you! As Sluggie put it, "I mean, he can't even drive!" LOL!

Egan said...

I like Sluggie even more now. As if I even needed a reason. Does he own a bicycle?

Candace said...

LOL! Hmmm, probably. Maybe he was going to make her stand on pegs on the back.

Egan said...

Yes, that's exactly what he had planned on doing. I coached him on the ways to Sluggie's heart, but apparently I have some work to do. I will check back in frequently for updates.

Bostick said...

back pegs, hilarious. Yo! Did you do the chicken?

Trundling Grunt said...

Whoa, tough crowd there. If the daughter doesn't kick yuor posterior the mother will? Scary.

Many moons ago a well-meaning father asked "What will you do when some creature arrives on your doorstep and asks LSWMBO out". Well actually he didn't say LSWMBO but you get the picture. My response was simple - invite him in, sit him down, and ask him if he realised what a bloody idiot he was. The friend thought I was joking...

BV said...

Just kick his 9 year old ass and get it over with. :)

Candace said...

Efo, maybe ask him where he saw this going? I mean really, WTF?

Bostick, I DID!! It ROCKS!!! GuTTer MuNKi wanted to go on record as being skeptial because it was yellow, LOL! But he ended up REALLY liking it. He even said it was "really good." If you knew how wide his "OK" margin is vs. his "good" or "really good" margins, you'd be very proud of yourself. As you should be. :) Thanks!

TG, Silly, silly friend, LOL!

Blonde - I will try to content myself with letting my 9 yo kick his 13 yo ass if he starts to bother her (she's a tough cookie) and then clean up the mess. ;)

Jay said...

Heh. That's kind of gross, and kind of funny. Nine...

Candace said...

I agree, Jay. :-P

ldbug said...

Yeah! You kick that kid in line!

Egan said...

Kids sure do grow up fast these days.

Candace said...

LOL, thatnks ldbug. :)

Efo - it's crazy, I tell you. Too fast. As in that boneheaded boy and his boneheaded girlfriend and their poor, darling, doomed baby boy I was carping about some time ago.

Winters said...

You're a mum nobody would want to mess with, C. That boy had better (english idiom) sling his hook.

Egan said...

I wouldn't want to mess with any mom that's working on a black belt. Hmmmm... nah, I better not.

tshsmom said...

Thank God that she's still in the "boys have cooties" stage! Some girls her age would be flattered by the attentions of an older 'man'.
Childhood is too short. I'm glad Sluggie is still enjoying it!

Candace said...

Winters - sling his hook? That one I actually have not heard before. I do enjoy idioms. Like "a pig in a poke." That's a weird one.

Egan - whaaaaaaaat? What were you gonna say? Have you been demon-possesed again?

Tsmom - yes, at least in his case. I'm afraid if it had been Orlando Bloom, she'd have been all over the invitation. :-/ But he did lose a bit of his bloom (ha) when she calculated how old he'd be when she was 20, LOL!

sophie said...

If he perseveres with chocolate
and roses and his own mix cd
then it might be my son...

woops - nope - he is pretty much
your daughter's age...

hmmmmm...

Egan said...

Oh it was nothing Candace. My fingers were ahead of my brain. It's all good.

Bostick said...

Candi?

Candace said...

Sophie - LOL! Sounds like a little charmer. :)

Egan - uh huh, yep, yep, uh huh

Bostick - I. Am. Alive!!! Yesterday was Crazy Tuesday. :-P