Monday, July 30, 2007

Zen Sarcasm

In a stupefying fit of complete lackidaisicalness, I give you my favourite Zen Sarcams:

~ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

~ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

~ It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

~ Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

~ Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

~ If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

~ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

~ If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

~ A closed mouth gathers no foot.

~ Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

~ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

~ Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Oh yeah. We saw Premonition last night. Ehhhhh.

I didn't like it even though it was well-made, had great acting, interesting plot etc, because I thought it was a shitty ending. If you've seen it or are never going to see it, I'll tell you why. On the plus side, though, there was some nice eye candy for both MuNKi and myself.

In other news that blasted tooth fairy forgot Fishy's tooth last night. Fortunately for her, so did he. So, crafty being that she is, she did the switch in the afternoon, and then innocently asked whether he'd thought to check under his pillow. Score: Mama - 1 CRS Diesease - a big fat ZERO.


Delton said...

The tooth fairy has only visited our house 2 times so far. It is one of my biggest fears that sometime the fairy will forget to visit our house too. Good recovery!

Candace said...

Our Tooth Fairy is like our House Elf - a drunken sot who often forgets to do her job. ^_^ We've had 3 or 4 incidents now, with a decent recovery each time. Once I think she left "interest" and once I said "Check again," and rooted around in there, deposting the $ as I did so. :-P I talked to a friend today who said that once, when her dad forgot to be the tooth fairy for her bro, he put pesos under the pillow on teh following night and said "See? She just had a long way to go!"

Ours know that we're the tooth fairy anyway. They like to try and catch us in the act. :-/ ^_^

Airam said...

I love your first one!!

I've seen that motto flying around my school ... I'm totally going to add the "leave me the hell alone" bit if it ever comes up.

Diesel said...

I was paging through a Jack Handey book at B&N the other day, and ran across this one:

"If I ever become really rich, I hope I'm not mean to poor people, like I am now."

Claire said...

Do you have a file in your computer labelled "goofy pictures to represent MuNKi"?

Anonymous said...

I thought Premonition was also just okay. Endings for movies like that are always disappointing. Plus, the whole reminded me a lot of The Butterfly Effect.

I knew a woman who forgot to play Tooth Fairy one night, so she ended up writing a letter to her kid from the Tooth Fairy explaining her absence. I think the kid bought it.

ARM said...

I love the first one too and want to create a poster for my desk with that.

Premonition wasn't good, eh? But least there was the eye candy!! Christian Troy get in my life!!

I love the tooth fairy stuff. You crack me up!

Jaichan said...

There are a few people I would love to get out of my life... $20 seems like a low price to pay.

Yeah, Premonition looked kinda lame from the previews.

Candace said...

Airam - Doesn't it just make you laugh? I like the walking on someone else's shoes one a lot, too. :)

Diesel - HAHAHAA!! I love that! I think my favourite Jack Handey was:

If trees could scream, would we still cut them down?

Maybe. If they kept screaming all the time and wouldn't shut up.


Claire - I Google weird stuff to get them. Usually I try to make them have something to do with the subject of the post, but not always. Sometimes they are obscure references that only MuNKi will get - like the toothache Alfalfa in this one. MuNKi is going through some nasty tooth pain that may end in a root canal, but we're hoping it doesn't go there.

Sometimes it's just random crazy stuff like R-rated snowmen.

And other times, it starts out being related to the post and turns into something different via bunnytrailing. ^_^

Premonition Spoiler alert********

Kitkat - I thought she should have been able to DO something about it all. Otherwise, what was the point? Although I should have realised from the beginning when her dh bought a house without her input that she was destined to have no control over her life.

End Spoiler***********************

Heh! Notes are a great idea. :)

Amanda - I wonder if Cafe Press has shirts with that? ^_^

Yeah, Don't get me started an THAT man. Holy yum, Batman!

I'm thinking of Francs next time I mess up. ^_^

Jaichan - You're right about that, LOL. Maybe you can poist $20 on them. ^_^

The film really was well done but unsatisfying, IMO.

brandy said...

I didn't like the end of the movie either. After a while I stopped following the plot and started wondering just how nice it would be to have Sandra Bullocks hair on my head.

Candace said...

OMG Brandy that's a scream! ^_^ Yeah, she has nice. . . everything! ^_^

egan said...

So if I get a tattoo does that really make me unique?

Candace said...

Only if it's a unique tattoo -- like one of your left nostril, or in a really unique place, like inside your left nostril.

Gawpo said...


I had a friend who worked at a T-shirt shop print us up some shirts with my favorite Zen saying that I made up all by myself:


Candace said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I love that!! ^_^