Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Interview With the Vamp

l3ig @$$ Sp!d3r

**Now with shiny new translations!!**

Me: What's up with the title? I'm pretty sure we don't qualify as a vamp.

Also Me: Because we like puns. Duh!

M: Uh, oKAYyyy. . .

AM: So I was going to ask you a few questions.

M: *looks sideways at interviewer, which, all things considered is pretty much an impossible feat*

AM: Would you cut that out? You're making my eyes ache. Just go with the flow.

M: WHAT is all over the dining room floor?

AM: Where did THAT come from?!?

M: What? I'm going with the flow. And something has obviously flowed all over the dining room floor. What IS it? It's kind of. . .greasy. Eeyew!

AM: OK, back to the topic at hand.

M: Which is???

AM: Ah. . .

M: Ha! you don't even KNOW!

AM: Shut up!

M: YOU shut up!

AM: Why don't you make me?

M: Oh THAT'S mature.

AM: OK, shut up and answer the questions.

M: Shut up AND answer the questions?

AM: *glares*

M: *also glares*

AM: I was going to ask you what you thought of
these pants

M: OMG where did you find those? You're my hero!!

AM: Yeah, well there's a
ton of other great stuff, too.

M: Hey, "Dongle!" Doulas Adams coined that term!

AM: Well, he used it anyway.
Cool site, huh?

M: Oooh! That is awesome! I like the
Onna Otaku one!

AM: On the subject of she-geeks, you should probably
check this out.

M: He's not a she-geek.

AM: No but you are, you dork! And you will probably love his radio show. And you should definitely check out his film.

M: Oh, ah.

AM: Ok, well I think that about wraps it up for now.

M: What about a picture for Egan?

AM: None of the pictures we took today has anything to do with any of this.

M: Does that matter?

AM: *shrugs*

M: Well, let's put some in, then.

AM: Whatever. I suppose you're going to blather on about them.

M: What do you mean, "blather?"

AM: Oh just post the stupid pixx0rs already. (pictures)

M: Oh you think you're all
1337 ("Leet" - click the link)

AM: *rolling eyes* You didn't even know what that meant until today. You're such a n00b. (newbie)

M: Haha! U r t3h suck !!!1!1!eleventyoneone!!!!

M: Haha You are the suck (you suck) !!!!!!! (newbies often typo !!!! as !!1111!!!!!!!, so now that is mocked by making it even more extreme, hence the "oneone" and "eleventy")

AM: Oh, yeah. You're real cool.

M: Haha! Listen, it's a ROTFLOLicopter! Are you on LOLLerskates??

Just ways of emphasizing the ROTFLOLiness of things.

AM: OMG you need to get a life.

M: Suxx0r!! Kekekeke.
00x!7!! Mollusc told me about that one.

"Sucker! Hahahahaha" (from Korean gamers) "Lookit" (Click the link, it ROCKS!)

AM: I can't take this anymore. *leaves*

M: Ha! I am t3h pwnage !!!1!1!1oneone (Shift + 4)!!!
*puts sp!d3r pix0r up top*

M: Ha I am the ownage (more mocking of common typos for emphasis. As in, "I totally owned your ass on that one!") Shift + 4 is yet another level of mockery of !!11!!!! because in one country you have to push shift and 4 to get an exclamation point. "puts spider picture up top"

!7 wz, like, t0ta77y ra!n!ng wh!73 th3 sun wz sh!n!ng !!11!!1

It was, like, totally raining while the sun was shining!!!!!! (rain was descending from the sunny heavens)

"ol0n't 4get m3 wh3n !'m g0n3, my h3art wud br8k. ! h4v3 luvol u 4 s0 l0ng. . ."

"don't forget me when I'm gone, my heart would break! I have loved you for so long. . ."

Get it? Get it? Huh? Huh? OK, judging by Gutter MuNKi's reaction, if you're old enough to remember this song, you're prolly too old to bother deciphering the leet, so here's the song. (You have to click "play sample" to hear it. ) Plus, I guess not a lot of peeps know what kind of flower that is, but I'll totally give you massive points if you get it ALL figured out, LOL!

! 4m n0t g0!ng 2 m4k3 4ny p0l!t!c4l c0mm3nts 0n t#!s 1 - jvs7 Nj0i t3h pixx0r!!

I am not going to make any political comment on this one, just enjoy the picture (of bleeding hearts)

0M6!1!!1 T3h 2th Fa!ry is t3h Suck!! Sh3 t0ta11y 4g0t t0 t4k3 M011us('s 2th l4st n!6ht!!

OMG The tooth Fairy is the suck! (is a complete wanker) She totally forgot to take Mollusc's tooth last night!!


jackt said...

OK AIM Speak (I can't be bothered to figure what it's actually called- it's what my teenybopper cousins use when they blab away on AIM) makes me dizzy. :)

Also, I think they have medication for your multiple personality condition. Or electric shock therapy sometimes works. If you are afraid of going to the psychiatrist, you can always try taking two lamps, sticking a fork in each, and sticking the other end of each fork into each of your ears. ;)

:: This post, and comment, brought to you by :: (because they need another mention since you've only outlinked to them like four times in one post!!!) :)

(I'm just kidding with all of this btw- no TKD revenge please my jaw is very delicate). :)

Candace said...

Hee hee! It drives me nuts to try to read it, but writing it was REALLY fun, LOL!

Yeah, I don't like shrinks in spite of my excessive height. I may try forking myself as suggested sometime in the future, but for now, I'm kinda enjoying the company. LOL! Maybe they'll give me a free sticker! Hey wait a minute - the WILL give you a free sticker if you link them, but I dunno if that means, like, sidebar or actual biz website or what. I totally forgot to link these guys. You have a gl4$$ jaw?

Faltenin said...

OMG. She's learnt l33tsp33k.

Heaven protect us all.

Slade said...

ok so that is a huge ass scary spider!!!!

At first I thought there was something wrong with your computer, but now I get it...something about the tootfairy forgetting to pick up M's tooth!!! How could she?!

Candace said...

Ha! Don't even start, Fal. You and your Arf! I know all about your secret gamer life now. Hang out on B3ta much? ;-)

Slade - yah - big spidey! Though perhaps not quite as big as the picture. I like the heart on it. They're actually kinda cute because they're chubby. Jumpers have never really creeped my out like the long, stick-like ones can.

Yep, the tooth fairy is totally "teh suck" LOL! What a beyotch! I think the Detroit TFairy Union was on strike.

Egan said...

I'm really not sure what this post is about. I think somewhere in this post I saw my name, my PIN, and some codes. Best part though is that there are pictures with this post. They are quite lovely pictures too. Thanks for delivering the goods Candace.

Toby said...

As someone else said, that 1337 makes me dizzy. Pretty flowers. I don't know what they are. I'm terrible with names of everything including people.

Candace said...

Egan, you did catch on quickly. It's all your bank information in slightly encripted format that is easily understood only by gamers and Freegans. I hope your enjoyment of the pictures helps to make up for your future lack of fundage. ;-)

Toby - Heh. Yah. Writing it is much easier than reading it. No one got the flowers. Forget-Me-Nots. :-P

Jay said...

Oh man. Perhaps you should provide some sort of translation service for your "geek-disabled" readers?

Egan said...

Shit, no wonder I couldn't be those porn mags on the way home from soccer last night. Damn you Candass! (I'll bet you've never been called that before.)

Toby said...

Nice. How appropriate. I'll still forget in a day or two. I'm going to google them though, because I am familiar with the name, but not what's in your pic. I bet there are a hundred different varieties. I didn't chime in about the "snake grass" on one of your previous posts because I've never heard of it or seen it. It looks kind of cool to me, but what's in someone else's back yard, not playing havoc on mine is always cool. :)

Candace said...

Ha! Jay, YK, I actually thought about adding translations for those who didn't feel like trying to read it. Maybe I still will. :-)

Egan, You could TOTALLY be the porn mags with your Speedo™ or even better, your purple iBall™. I'd buy one. OK I know you meant "buy," but I had to mess with you. :-) At least you'll know now why those gaming accessories will be showing up on your bank statement. Candass, LOL! I haven't as far as I know, butt who knows what people are actually saying when they aren't typing. Hmmm. I'll have to listen for emphasis from now on. I did Google "Candace looks like" once and came up with "Canned ass" which totally cracked (HA!) me up.

Toby - I thought it was funny. :-) Actually, my pic is really deceptive, cuz they are tiny little buggers IRL. OMG, I had never heard of snake grass or seen it in WI, but here it is UBIQUITOUS!!! I think it's supposed to grow in WI, but like I said - never heard of it before moving here.
It's kind of fascinating stuff, but it can pop up everywhere you don't want it to. :-P

Toby said...

Your blog is facinating to me, I learn a lot, and if I don't know it, I google it. This past week we've been over reptiles, obscure flowers, weeds and best, what raccoons love most. Candace, you kick ass.

Candace said...

LOL! Aw shucks. *turns red* :-)

Egan said...

Nice catch on the "buy" thing. I'm sort of dumb like that at times. Typing too fast and shit.

Candace said...

I'm sort of dumb like that ALWAYS! Plus, on your blog the button order (preview and post) is reversed so I always post my stupid typos, LOL!