Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Introducing the new Bond Girl:


Yes, that's right, as soon as the list of qualifications includes the following. (translation to Bond girl assets in italics)

-ability to hike while slinging a baby all day long (for the uninitiated, this does not refer to throwing the babe, but to wearing the baby in a sling) Strong, with great endurance

-real stretch marks (not those lame Hollywood prosthetics) from heroically carrying multiple children to term and just as heroically squeezing them out of one's body without killing anyone in the process Men say they like "real" women these days, also not a wimp - can take pain and hard work on the set

-Tae Kwon Do skills (hey, I'm a gold medalist in both forms and sparring, LOL!) and VERY fierce when protecting children Can do one's own fight stunts

-ability to nurse a toddler in public with one arm tied behind one's back Strong arms and not ashamed of breasts

-ability to tailor the answers of difficult questions so that they are comprehensible to those with less life experience Can work with dialogue issues

-ability to make up spur of the moment songs to fit any situation Able to improvise

-Ability to work with with dirt, grime, muck, sludge. Able to clean up others' disgusting bodily funtions while maintaining a supportive, sypmathetic and cheerful attitude even at 4 am after being awake all night Not a prima donna - works well in exotic locations without whining

-ability to play the piano while answering multiple questions Musical and multitasking - can play piano and flirt with Bond simultaneously

-ability to remain calm in the face of major financial disaster, household disaster etc. Doesn't go postal on the production company if the check is late, can act calm when being pursued by multiple henchmen

-ability to function at a high level on sparse amounts of sleep and food excellent when the shooting days get long and the catering truck has crashed enroute to the site

Come to think about it, Bond girls are just a shadow of most real moms. ;o)

Feel free to add to the list of qualifications if you have some of your own. :o)

I have to attack the house a bit. Right now the spring inside me is coiled pretty tightly, but I'm going to make myself write a bit more first before I let it loose. Then I can rush around getting things done really quickly and be more brutal when getting rid of stuff.

It was flurrying outside a wee bit ago. Brrr.

Enough procrastination and warm-up for now.

I changed my profile pic. It was pretty entertaining sitting there on the bed doing self-portraits. I'm developing that skill as a new art form. ;o) The best part of self-portraiture is that you always know exactly when the shutter's going to be released.

Robin, if you're reading this, I JUST NOW got a call for dh from a headhunter. I'm going to email you his name and # in case your dh can use it.

Wow, there is a cold wind blowing on me from the closed window. Good grief. I wish we had Andersen windows like in the last house! They NEVER let in the cold air. When I used the oven, I'd actually have to OPEN the windows in the middle of winter to let the extra heat OUT. Ahhhh, those were good windows. . .


Robin said...

Too late for me to think of any Bond comments...but I loved the ones you came up with! Esp. funny for me since my maiden name is Bond.

Do you have my current email? Not sure dh wants to relocate right now...his current feeling is that the only jobs available in his specialty are located in Bangalore...

GuTTer MuNKi said...

Don't forget the all-important adventure skills - going new places, doing new things, occasionally showing off a bit (or a lot!).

Oops, that would be the bedroom qualifications. Well, you've got those covered!

Candace said...

Is your Swappie email current? I was going to try that. :) Otherwise, you can email me at
milkmaiden at sbcglobal dot net

Candace said...

LD - wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean, say no more. . . Such a charmer. :oD

Robin said...

Swappie email is current--but just FYI it's hsmama at sbcglobal dot net