Friday, January 27, 2006

Wrong Song, and A NEW WORD is Invented!

Alrighty then! Tonight it's open mic at the Jumping at the Ground and Missing Blogsite. So hello and welcome to The Wrong Song Lyrics Singoff!! Mollusc is getting things off to a galloping start with her massacred version of Great Big Sea's "Something To It" from their Rant and Roar CD. The real lyrics: "I think I'll need some time alone to work my way through it." What Mollusc thought they were: "I think I'll need some Tylenol to work my way through it." Nyuck Nycuk! Great start!

I'll follow with an oldie that I didn't know the proper words for until just now when I Googled it:
Manfred Mann's "Blinded By the Light." I swear the man's singing "Wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night." Apparently the real words are: "Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night." Um, OK. If you say so.

Now Seal, whose music I have been known to enjoy, doesn't do liner notes and says that he wants people to take from it what they make of it (or something like that); that he wants them to go with what they think it says -- a sort of "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but done as "lyrics are in the ear of the auditor." Sorry, I understand the sentiment, but I find it annoying. Do I know any of his songs by heart? No.

I know there are a lot of other lyrics I've misunderstood along the way, but I can't think of any of them, so step up to the open mic, folks.

On a semi-related note, have you ever noticed that there is a POTO line for EVERYTHING? I still need to write my thank you letter to ALW. Can't tell you how many times I've bellowed out "Go now!! Go NOW and leave me!!" when I've told the kids to do something and they're dragging their feet, LOL! But really, there is a line for nearly every occasion. And if there isn't one, it's easy to twist the songs to your own evil ends. Muahahahaha!!

In the meantime, I'm inventing a new word because it's well past time for this particular word. I've been thinking about this for a few years now, and decided to get off my bum and invent the bloody thing already. We've had the words "blind and "deaf" for just about ever, but we have nothing akin to those for non-functioning noses. We NEED this word. The thing is that "blind" and "deaf" don't have the most helpful etymologies for creating this new word. In fact, they're downright lame. So I guess my new word can be lame and it won't matter in 20 years. Watch as a word is born. Liking patterns as I do, I notice that "blind" starts with "b" and "deaf" starts with "d," so it seems pretty apparent that our missing word starts with "c." The other logical choice would be "f." The first letter of "deaf" is the last letter of "blind" so the missing word could end with "b" or start with "f." (or both!) I see that as 2 votes for starting with "f." "Blind" and "deaf" are also both 1 syllable words, which precludes my inventing a word by adding an obvious prefix such as "a-." Humph. Both end with consonants. The vowel will be o, since words associated with smells and smelling start with "o." (olfactory, odour, odiferous. . .) I think I'm going to go with folt. It does sort of dredge up thoughts of the word "revolting," which is appropriate. Or we could say it stands for "faulty olfactory." So there it is. Folt.

Let's try it out: "You reek so bad I'm folt!" Or: "I was totally folted by the stench." Or, "You can't smell that??!! Are you totally folt??"

As a noun: folt (Help! I'm folt!)
As a verb: folt, folted (She tried to folt him with Limburger. He folted me with his socks)
As an adjective: folting (She was overcome by the folting odour)

There is is folks, I have written you an opera given you a new word. Please use it well and pass it around the universe. You, too, can have a hand in getting "folt" into the dictionary. Plus, it's like, totally useful!

And if Al Gore tries to claim credit for this brilliance later, you can tell him he's full of folting s--t!

PS is "smolt" better? **sigh**

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